At Least for the Moment
by Sky-Blue44
Summary: Sirius has a four-leaf clover in a locket. He gives it to Remus, who doesn't always understand its significance.


Warning(s) :Canon character death, canon angst, imagined infidelity

Disclaimer:Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Notes: Written for LJ's HP_GetLucky. This was _supposed _to be lighthearted, I swear. Also, I'd like to give a huge thank you to Yeaka, who beta'd this at the last minute.

* * *

_Clovers are known for their luck-bringing qualities. Due to this trait, it is custom for Pureblood children to receive them when they leave the house for the first time for an extended period. Today, many children receive them just before they leave for Hogwarts. Although custom varies, the most traditional families place them in the form of jewellery, where they can be kept safe. No one but the child's true love will be able to touch the clover or its container, or they will suffer severe pain. Upon the marriage of the clover's owner, it is custom for the owner to give it to their spouse._

From _An Introduction to Pureblood Traditions and Customs, _by John Tripe

* * *

_September 1, 1971_

Platform 9 ¾ bustled with students and parents alike, as they said their final goodbyes before the new school year began.

"Remus, behave yourself at school," Remus' mother fretted. A thin, weathered woman, Mrs Lupin straightened her son's jacket nervously. She wore a long, tan trench coat, with her light brown hair, specked with grey, in a ponytail. She was a Muggle, and an excellent one, at that, but she hated the idea of her little boy going away to school so young, especially with his _condition._

"Mary, stop," Remus' father said. "You're making him nervous." Mr Lupin was a tall man, with dark brown hair, but with Remus' brown, nearly amber, eyes. He worked for the Ministry. "Have fun at school, Remus. It'll be a blast," he said with a soft smile.

Remus nodded sombrely. He felt that he had to indulge a childish need for affection to sooth his worries, but he didn't want to seem like a baby. As a sort of compromise with himself, he launched himself into first his father's, then his mother's, arms, before quickly detaching himself.

He took his trunk's handle with his right hand and cleared his throat. "Bye, Mum. Bye, Dad." He waved to them with his free hand. Then, he turned and began to wheel his trunk away.

As he walked away, Mrs Lupin said, "Rob, should we help him get his trunk on the train?"

"He can manage it," Mr Lupin said. He paused for a brief moment, and then whispered, "Do you think he'll be okay, Mary?"

Mrs Lupin took his hand and said, "Yes, I think he will be."

Once Remus got on the train, he tried to find a compartment, but it seemed as if the upperclassmen had all claimed their old places from previous journeys. He hefted the trunk behind him, going to the farthest end of the train, to the last carriage. He peeked inside and saw that it was empty inside. Remus smiled a little to himself; he wanted to make friends, but he wasn't quite sure how to do it. Perhaps, if he got a carriage for himself, others like him would come along who had no seats. It seemed like a grand idea.

It was, of course, not because he was a little scared that whoever he met would know he turned into a monster once a month upon sight, and throw him off the train. Or that whoever he met would just hate him instantly. _Of course not._

Remus lifted his trunk (embossed with his initials, RJL, in gold letters) up onto the luggage rack above his head and settled into the seat. He sighed, with a smile, at a job well-done, before getting out his book. He began to read...

...Remus startled awake as the compartment door slammed open. He looked up and saw a boy with black hair and grey eyes. He was wearing his Hogwarts robes and had a golden locket around his neck. He looked a little winded and practically ran into the compartment. He sat down next to Remus, sighing in relief.

Then, he looked up at Remus in shock, apparently having just realized that there was someone else there other than himself.

Remus gathered his courage and cleared his throat, "Um, are you all right?"

The boy nodded, "Yeah, I, uh, well, I needed to get away from... I needed a place to sit, you see."

Remus smiled softly, "Well, you're welcome to sit here."

The boy grinned, "Thanks!" He paused for a brief moment, before asking, "What's your name?

"Remus," Remus said. "Remus Lupin. You?"

"Sirius Black," the boy responded. "Are you a First Year too?

"Yeah," Remus replied. "What house do you think you'll be in?"

"Not sure, to be honest," Sirius said. "I'm hoping for Gryffindor, though." He reached up to his neck and touched his locket. "You?"

Remus smiled, "No idea, to be honest... I'll have to be happy wherever I'm placed so..."

Sirius nodded, grinning, "Yeah, I guess that's true." He nudged Remus with his shoulder warmly. Remus fought an embarrassingly large grin.

They sat together, talking happily for about an hour, slowly becoming more comfortable with each other. Sirius seemed to have no real personal bubble, as he touched Remus at every opportunity. Remus tentatively reciprocated, as they allowed their arms to brush.

Remus did, however, wonder about Sirius' golden locket. It was strangely delicate for a boy; it even had a four-leaf clover engraved on its face. Finally, he asked, "What's this?" He tapped his forefinger against the front of the locket, so close to Sirius' heart. Sirius' eyes widened, and seemed to stop breathing. They both seemed to pause in time for a few brief moments.

Then, Sirius began to laugh. "Oh, this?" he said. Remus wasn't quite sure he knew what was going on. "It's a family tradition that we get these when we go off to Hogwarts." His laughter died down a bit, and he gave Remus a roguish grin. "Why? Is it too girly for me?"

Remus' breath froze in his throat. He blushed and cleared his throat. "Er, no. It, ah," he rubbed the back of his neck. "It suits you, actually."

They sat in silence for a few moments, unsure how to proceed. Remus had no idea what this new atmosphere was, or how to change it, and he knew Sirius felt the same. He also wasn't quite sure if he _wanted _it to change. All he knew was that he had never felt that way before in his life.

Luckily, he didn't have to think about it too hard, for it was in that moment that the compartment door slammed open once more. In the doorway stood a boy with messy black hair, hazel eyes, and glasses.

"Hello," he said with a grin. "Can I sit here?"

_November 27, 1974_

Remus sat in the Gryffindor common room, a weathered book in his hands. He read the charms textbook in a worn armchair in front of the fireplace.

It was then that he heard a loud shout, "Moony!"

Sirius leaped over the arm of the chair and sat in Remus' lap, throwing his legs over the other side. Remus caught Sirius despite himself, dropping his book between their bodies and wrapping his arms around the other boy.

Remus was not shocked that this was the manner in which Sirius greeted him; this was a common enough occurrence, after all. It sometimes seemed as if Sirius touched him or James more often than not (but not Peter, for whatever reason). Remus could safely say that he enjoyed this subconscious handiness more than James, even if he couldn't exactly _tell _anyone that.

Remus had been in love with his best friend for over a year (although this was just the time he had been aware of it…he was sure that it had actually been for longer). Remus knew for certain that he could never say anything, but that was okay, somehow. After all, he got to be around Sirius more than if he did say anything, and he knew that Sirius' touching of him would end if he ever knew. Remus was just grateful for what he had, as he always had been.

He knew, too, though that he did handle Sirius with kid gloves as a result though. James, somehow, had realized that Sirius got better treatment than him sometimes (not that he knew why). After the events surrounding Snape's discovery of his lycanthropy, Remus had forgiven Sirius long before James had. James had asked him angrily why Remus had forgiven him so easily, when, had it been anyone else, he never would have done so. Remus had delicately changed the subject to James' inability to forgive Sirius, but the question stuck with him. Was he too allowing of Sirius, because he loved him? Remus honestly couldn't say if he was or not.

"Remus," Sirius said. "I have something to show you."

"Oh, God," Remus mock groaned, "what is it now?"

Sirius pouted, "Aw, c'mon Moony, let me show you. I can do it if we're up in the dorm."

This alarmed Remus slightly. Why couldn't Sirius just show him downstairs? He sighed and said, "All right, then. Let's go."

Sirius smiled and jumped off of Remus' lap. He grabbed Remus' free hand and yanked him out of his chair, before pulling him upstairs. Remus revelled a little in feeling Sirius' hand in his, and allowed himself to be led to their dorm.

Sirius opened the door to the room; it was messy and lived in, and looked like it was lived in by four boys. It was easy to see whose bed was whose though.

The area around Pete's bed was messy, to the degree of simply being _unsanitary. _He even had dirty plates and food surrounding his bed; they had always had to cast air-freshening spells around it. It sometimes seemed like Pete kept _everything; _he was quite the packrat. However, his bed curtains were always kept firmly shut. Remus occasionally wondered what he was hiding between his sheets.

In distinct contrast, James' bed curtains were always open. He had several Quidditch posters on the walls around his bed, all of them winking and waving before they swooped off into the distance. He was only a little messy; it was easy to see a distinct line between his and Pete's bed. On his nightstand was a journal, charmed firmly locked (probably so that Sirius wouldn't tease him too mercilessly). Remus, however, knew from looking over his shoulder, that it contained some sneakily taken pictures of Lily Evans. Sometimes, Remus was a little concerned that James was straddling the line between harmlessly love-struck and stalker a little _too _recklessly. The invisibility cloak was stored in his trunk. James' snitch whizzed aimlessly above their heads.

Sirius was very careful with his possessions; something about being raised in the Black family had inspired him to do so. However, he did have his wizard's record player stored underneath his bed with his records. He had several posters of both Wizard and Muggle rock bands around his bed. His bed was rarely made, the comforter rolled up in the middle of the bed, and his sheets kicked down to the very end.

Remus' bed, in contrast, was made with an almost military precision. Everything was neatly ordered and organized. Remus took good care of his things.

Sirius sat Remus down on Remus' bed, while he remained standing in between their beds. He smiled at Remus nervously and pulled his locket out from under his clothes. Sirius hid the locket from most people because he thought it was girly. Remus did think it was pretty, but liked that.

Sirius reached behind his neck for the clasp, deftly undid it, and removed it from himself. He came closer to Remus and put it on him instead. Remus blushed; Sirius was so close to him that he could see the slight rise and fall of his chest, and smell his warm scent. He smiled as Sirius stepped away. He was a bit confused. "Sirius," he said. "Why are you giving me this?"

There was a flash of something in Sirius' eyes that Remus could not identify, as it was gone so quickly. Then, Sirius grinned broadly, "I need some luck, and I can't think of anything luckier than you wearing my good luck charm." Remus opened his mouth to respond to that, but Sirius sped on. "Anyway, I need to show you something that we – James, Pete, and I – have been working on.

Remus' eyes widened in alarm; ideas kept from him tended to end in disaster among the Marauders. Sirius continued, "We wanted it to be a surprise for you, so we were going to wait to tell you. But I just finished mine, so… I wanted to tell you now."

Sirius took a step back away from Remus. He gave him a nervous little grin before closing his eyes. Sirius then began to shift, morphing into a new form, as Remus watched on, mouth agape. In an instant, Sirius had transformed into a large, black dog.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, looking into the animal's grey eyes. The dog barked once, and appeared to almost nod. Remus whispered excitedly, "You became an animagus?" Sirius barked again before jumping up onto Remus, tail wagging. Remus laughed happily, before pushing Sirius off him. He sat up again, moved over so he could rest his back against the headboard of his bed. Sirius, still in dog form, shifted over to Remus, putting his head in his lap and closing his eyes.

"You're not turning back?" Remus asked. Sirius opened one eye. "I mean, it's fine," Remus said. "I always wanted a dog," he said as casually as he could. "But I couldn't, because of my condition."

Sirius moved his head, and brushed it against Remus' hand. "You want me to pet you?" Sirius seemed to nod. Remus then proceeded to bury his hands in Sirius' thick fur. Remus tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was rubbing Sirius the human with his hands, but instead enjoyed the comfort that it provided. Sirius slowly fell asleep, soothed into dreamland.

Later, when James and Peter returned to the dorm, they would find the two curled up on Remus' bed, gently sleeping. James yanked Pete back, as to not disturb them. Neither boy noticed the locket around Remus' neck.

_June 10, 1977_

"Remus, you need to go to bed."

"What?" Remus said, dazed. He tore his eyes away from the page of his Charms textbook and looked up at Sirius with hazy eyes.

"You need to go to bed, Remus," Sirius repeated. "We have exams tomorrow."

"I need to study, Sirius," Remus said, looking back down at his book.

"If you don't know it, Remus, no one does," Sirius said. He came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, it's past midnight."

Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes. He groaned, "I guess you're right."

"You know I am, now _come on._" Remus stood, and threw his books into his bag. He allowed Sirius to herd him out of the library and upstairs to the Gryffindor Common Room. Remus had barely been out of the library in days; he had to do well on the N.E.W.T.s, or he would have no future. It would be hard enough to get a job without good marks, in either the magical world or the non-magical world.

When they got upstairs, James and Pete were already asleep in their respective beds. Remus and Sirius got in their pyjamas, facing away from each other. Sirius dressed in only a pair of sleep pants, whereas Remus slept in a full pair of striped pyjamas. Remus moved to get into bed when Sirius said, "Remus?"

Remus turned to face him, "Yeah, Sirius?"

Sirius held the locket on its chain in his right hand. He seemed strangely nervous. Then, he said, "Would you wear it tomorrow?"

Remus looked at him for a moment before saying, "I shouldn't… it's your good luck charm, Sirius."

"It'll be even luckier if you wear it though… I swear it," Sirius said.

"Well… okay. If you insist," Remus said.

Sirius grinned broadly and put it around Remus' neck. It was still warm from Sirius' body heat, and was strangely heavy.

Sirius stepped away, looking oddly proud of him. Then, he moved back to his own bed, and they both lay down under the covers of their beds, mere feet away from each other.

Remus closed his eyes, and was almost asleep, when he heard Sirius murmur, "Goodnight, Moony."

Remus opened his eyes a little bit, to see Sirius turned towards him, smiling at him sleepily in the light coming from the window in between their beds.

Remus smiled softly and said, "'Night, Padfoot." Then, he closed his eyes and drifted off to another world.

If Sirius followed him there, well, Remus could hardly control that.

_June 21, 1977_

"Uh, Remus?" James said. "What's that?"

"Hm?" Remus replied, looking up at him. He noticed that James' eyes were on the locket. "Oh, it's Sirius'… he gave it to me for luck for the exam."

"Oh, well, uh," James grinned broadly. "Congratulations, then!" He turned to walk away, but Remus stopped him, grabbing his arm.

Remus was taken aback. "Wait, James?" he said. "What do you mean, 'congratulations'?"

James' grin faltered, "Don't you know?"

"Um, obviously not?" Remus replied, growing impatient. "Care to enlighten me?"

James' eyes widened, "Wait… so you _really _don't know?" James paused for a moment, obviously hoping that Remus did. James' grin completely left his face. "Well, _shit,_" he exhaled. James then told Remus all about what that tiny piece of jewellery meant.

20 minutes later, Remus stormed into the Boys' Dormitory. It was nearly packed, as they were going to graduate in the next few days. Sirius lay on his bed, fast asleep in his clothes, even though it was mid-afternoon.

Enraged, Remus violently shook him awake. Sirius awoke with a shout. He sat up and looked wildly around and saw Remus. "Remus! What the fuck? What's going on?" It was at that moment that he noticed the gold chain in Remus' shaking, clenched fist.

"How long were you going to keep what this _meant _from me, Sirius?" Remus whispered angrily.

"Remus, I -."

"Was it all just a joke to you Sirius?" Remus shouted. "Jerking me around…is it a joke to you?"

"Of course not, Remus," Sirius said. "I just had no idea how to tell you."

"I mean, God, Sirius," Remus said. "You've known since the train to Hogwarts didn't you? In first year? That's when I first touched it, isn't it?"

"Remus," Sirius pleaded. He took Remus' hands in his; their hands shook together. "Remus, please listen to me. I just didn't know how to tell you… I mean, it's hard to tell someone that a locket could tell that we were meant to be together from the moment that we met." He bit his lip, "Especially if you've loved that person from practically that same moment."

"Sirius, it can't be that hard; I mean – wait," Remus said, eyes widening. "You love me?"

"Yes, yes, of course I do," Sirius said. "Have for _years. _I mean – don't tell James, but – I was worse than him with his Evans obsession."

Remus stared at him, shell-shocked.

"Moony? Remus?" Sirius laughed nervously. "It's at this point that I'd really love it if you said _something. _Don't leave a bloke hanging."

Remus answered him by sitting down next to him on the bed and kissing him. They fell back on the bed together, kissing all the while.

After what seemed like both moments and years later, Remus broke away from him. Then, looking into Sirius' dazed grey eyes, he smiled softly. He then murmured, "I love you, too. Always have."

It was no wonder that Sirius kissed him again after that announcement.

The locket lay next to them, forgotten for the moment.

_August 13, 1980_

Remus and Sirius lay in bed together, breaths coming quickly as they came down from their shared pleasure. They looked at each other and thought of all of the close calls they had had recently… most recently, earlier that night, when a Death Eater had nearly strangled Remus to death. Remus' neck was a mess of bruises from that fight.

They both had scars from their recent battles, but they were both still _there_ and that was what was important.

Sirius grinned at Remus, and Remus slowly smiled back. Then, Sirius rushed forward, placing one arm around Remus' waist, and the other behind his head, his little finger brushing the chain of the locket. The locket itself was pressed between them. Remus returned his embrace, kissing him back.

They kissed until they were breathless.

_October 23, 1981_

Remus unlocked the door to his and Sirius' flat and stumbled inside. He was a little worse for wear; that much was obvious. His ribs were wrapped underneath his sweater. He had a black eye. His arm was in a sling. "Sirius," he called out. "I'm home."

Remus listened for a response, but got none. There was no movement in the house, and no voice called back to him. He carefully took his wand out of his back pocket and held it in front of him at the ready. "Sirius?" he called again.

There was no response.

Remus quickly swept through each room, looking for disturbances, but finding none. Then, he reached the bedroom. Remus' breath caught in his throat. There was a letter sitting on Remus' pillow. He took it, and opened it quickly, reading Sirius' messy handwriting.

_Dear Remus,_

_If you are reading this, I suppose that you finally made it home. Good for you. Too bad that I'm not there when you get back. I had to go away on Order business (sound like a familiar excuse, Moony?). I won't be coming back here though. I think we need a break, Remus. I think you know as well as I do that things haven't been working out for us recently. Try as I might, I just can't believe that you are actually doing Order business for Dumbledore. We never see each other anymore, Moony, and I think you know that this can't work without me hearing from you more than once a month. I mean, __**Merlin, **__Remus. I do love you though, and that didn't make this decision any easier. Perhaps when things settle down a bit, we can try again. At least, I hope we can. Please be careful out there, and wear the locket. It always has been lucky, for both of us._

_Love, _

_Sirius_

Remus crumpled the note in one hand the moment that he finished reading it; sadly, he knew that Sirius was right. Remus was frozen in that position. If asked, he could not tell you for how long he stood there.

It was at that moment that Remus heard a voice call, "Remus?"

Remus walked to the fireplace in the living room and found Dumbledore's head in the flames. Dumbledore seemed to see something in Remus' face. "Remus, are you all right?"

Remus cleared his throat, fighting back emotion. "Never been better, sir."

Dumbledore wisely chose not to ask what the pain was that adorned Remus' face, but winced all the same in sympathy. "I hate to ask this of you, Remus, but I need you for an assignment."

Remus gave him a sharp nod and replied, "I'll be there in five minutes."

Dumbledore's head left the embers of the fire, and Remus turned away, putting the letter on the coffee table. He allowed himself a shudder of grief, his back bowed. Then, he straightened, eyes hardened, his mouth in a grim line.

There was no time to grieve for what was lost; they were at war, after all.

_November 5, 1981_

Remus can't remember much about the night he returned home to their flat with the _news._

By the next morning, though, the apartment was torn apart. Glass littered the floor, paper was torn, and the bedroom door was ripped off its hinges.

In the pale dawn light, Remus took the locket from his neck; it felt strangely bare without it. He went into the closet, and pulled out a wooden box that _he _(_Remus couldn't say _his _name… not after he had betrayed James, Lily, Pete, and their love… he just _couldn't). He placed the locket that symbolized so many broken promises into the box, and locked it with a silent charm. It remained locked there for over 13 years.

_June 7, 1994_

Both men were mere shadows of what they had once been; that much was clear to anyone. Youth had left both men without mercy. Remus had many new scars and Sirius had nothing left of his old vibrancy

Sirius didn't care about any of that though; he only looked for one thing.

Remus knew what he was looking for, and opened his yet unpacked trunk. He pulled out the old box and cast a quick unlocking charm. He pulled out the locket; it shone bright against the darkness of the wood. Remus placed it around his neck once more. Sirius grinned broadly with the old youth he had once thought lost. Remus smiled back at him.

All was well, at least for the moment.


End file.
